The loss of Christian observance has left men and women adrift from one another
Niall Gooch• April 16, 2025
The problem with the battle of the sexes, according to the old joke, is that neither side can ever win because so many of us are fraternising with the enemy. It’s a light-hearted and memorable allusion to the undoubted fact that, while there will always be disagreements and differences between men and women, fundamentally we do need each other, and there is something unique and indispensable about the bonds between us.
And yet there has been a great deal of commentary in recent times about the growing failure of men and women to come together to form relationships. Some analysts blame this on political polarisation between the sexes, because data on political affiliation appears to show that younger men increasingly favour parties of the Right – especially the so-called New Right, with its focus on national identity and opposition to “Woke” politics – while younger women are moving to the Left. In the US election, for example, Donald Trump scored 56 per cent of male voters under 30, but only 40 per cent of women in that age group.
Meanwhile, the media is full of anecdotal reports about the “end of dating” – replaced, allegedly, by online chats – and a steep decline in real-life socialising. Nightclubs are apparently closing at a rapid rate. A survey I saw recently suggested that well over half of young men had never asked out a woman in person, with many of those men apparently worried that such behaviour would be considered inappropriate. A significant number of young women apparently agree that being approached in a public place, even in a friendly and non-threatening way, is unnecessary and strange in the age of the dating app – supposedly the correct etiquette is to at tempt a “match” on Tinder or another forum.
I admit this is not my world at all. I am firmly middle-aged. My wife and I have been a couple since Tony Blair was prime minister, and I have never used a dating app. All the same, it seems very obviously true that many different facets of contemporary life are making it very difficult for men and women to meet and get to know each other, to marry, and to have children. Meanwhile, housing costs and economic stagnation over the last two decades have placed huge barriers in the way of a couple who want to achieve once-normal milestones like buying a home together.
But there are cultural aspects to these problems, too. The fading of Christian observance, and the war on the old sexual morality, has left men and women confused and unhappy about how to integrate sex, love, marriage and family in the proper way. Abortion in particular strikes at the heart of happiness between the sexes because it so often leaves women feeling miserable, isolated and exploited, and its availability leads men to believe that they have no responsibilities towards the women with whom they have relationships.
At the same time, the growing success of women in the workplace, especially in the professions, raises a question mark – from the secular perspective – about the entire purpose of men, who are losing their traditional role as providers and starting to wonder what their purpose might be.
With boys falling behind in education systems, and workplaces increasingly geared towards typically feminine strengths, some women wonder why they should enter longterm relationships with men at all, if they can provide for themselves, and even have children “on their own” through the use of artificial reproductive technologies.
The words ‘MEN ARE TRASH’ are written in red on a woman’s back during a demonstration to mark International Women’s Day in Lyon, France, 8 March 2025 (Photo by MATTHIEU DELATY/Hans Lucas/AFP via Getty Images)
The legalisation of same-sex marriage and the acceptance of gender theory has eroded our understanding of the significance of the roles of mothers and fathers. Pornography creates another layer of illusion, alienation and dissatisfaction in male-female relationships, with men who find themselves losing out in the modern scene retreating into fruitless private fantasies which further erode their sense of worth and status.
Granted, this all sounds a little doom-laden and pessimistic. But even if I am overstating the extent of the problem, things are bad out there – and the modern irreligious world has no answer. It cannot provide a clear explanation of the wrongness of pornography. It cannot accept the emptiness of the rhetoric of freedom, or the terrible consequences of abortion for women and men alike. It cannot even countenance the truth that mums and dads are irreplaceable within the context of the family.
Only Christian faith can form the basis for a peace treaty between the sexes, and a sustainable way of living together. Only Christianity has a coherent, meaningful and truthful account of sex and marriage, and of the importance of the male-female bond that goes far beyond a merely functional view of man as provider.
We will never reach perfection this side of eternity, but in a time of social fragmentation and ennui, there may be great evangelistic value in the Christian ideal of harmonious family life, that shows how each sex can flourish alongside the other.
Photo: Two young women carry signs reading ‘My body my choice’ and ‘Not all men but all women’ during a feminist demonstration for equal rights against the ‘domination of patriarchy’ on International Women’s Day, Nantes, France, 8 March 2025. (Photo by MAYLIS ROLLAND/Hans Lucas/AFP via Getty Images.)
This article appears in the April 2025 edition of the Catholic Herald. To subscribe to our thought-provoking magazine and have independent, high-calibre and counter-cultural Catholic journalism delivered to your door anywhere in the world click HERE.